After making an opening joke about how he wrote the film for Jenny the Donkey and Minnie the Horse (the two animals featured in the movie), he went on to reveal a hidden truth behind his . Please note that Kidadl is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon. But Paddy could hardly ignore the fact that Mick was very well endowed. He sees two old men sitting outside the pub enjoying their Guinness. That does it, he shouted, Hunchback! A passerby saw what they were doing and was amazed at the hard work, but couldnt understand what they were at. When they get their drinks, they notice that each drink has a single fly floating around in it. Surely you must lose every now and then? Shipping from Europe / Shipping from the USA These funny jokes about donkeys will have your family on the edge of their seats waiting for the hilarious punchline. Posted in Dirty Jokes. Mules, however, have a donkey for a father and a horse for a mother. Check your inbox for your latest news from us. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable. The next night, Mick went round to Paddys to buy him a drink. Paddy says to Mick, "If you can guess how many doughnuts are in my bag, you can have them both". Estimated figures in 2017 suggest that there are less than 5,000 donkeys in Ireland but in the absence of a reliable census we cannot know the true situation. ? The garda looks over at the woman and asks, Does your husband always talk to you this way, Maam? Smiling sweetly, she replies. An Irish man walks past a bar. What are dose? A voluptuous, drop-dead gorgeous redheaded woman entered the sanctuary The eyes of every man in the Church fell upon her as she slowly sashayed up the aisle and sat down right in front of the priest. What a funny joke, Human! Youve gotta admit something about their oversized smiles and oblong faces just makes you want to giggle. Paddy was that kind of Irish middle-aged bachelor. How long should a donkey's legs be? Mother, the nuns asked with earnest, Please give us some wisdom before you leave us. Youve got me, she giggled, Do you fancy coming back to mine and watching? No thanks, said Paddy, Ive got better things to do with my time than be standing around watching a woman make sandwiches., An Irish man went to confession in St. Patricks Catholic Church her she is pregnant, says the doctor. I said, what instructions, Paddy? If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.". Struggling in school, Patrick only felt truly accepted in the presence of these funny, fuzzy, touching animals. I think Ill go back to using paper.. Also my Mam visits this website, and I dont want her disowning me! Suddenly the train went through a tunnel, and as it was an old-style train, there were no lights in the carriages, and it went completely dark. minute all ten glasses stood empty and drained. A man is walking down the street in Dublin when he sees a sign in the window of a travel agency that says cruises on Liffey River - $100. Fifteen minutes later, he says, Get me another before it starts. She looks cross but fetches another Guinness and slams it down next to him. You For us, theyre close enough in relation to warrant one hefty combined list of jokes at their expense. I always make money. back and all down in one swallow.. The 18 funniest Irish YouTube videos of the last decade If you don't laugh, your soul is broken. so that she and her lawyer could see clearly. The donkey was praised for her operatic tones and stage presence and Stanton's post was shared more than 2,000 times. Ladies and Gentlemen, one of the engines appear to havefailed. They didnt do it last year.. And on the wall a fine photographic display of various women who appear to have misplaced their garments. Youll never do it Paddy!, So Paddy goes in and spends a full 10 minutes in the room and comes out, Fu****g hell Paddy!!! Lash it into the comments section at the end of this article! The next morning at exactly 10 oclock, the elderly woman arrived at the presidents office with her lawyer and acknowledged the $10,000 bet made the day before that the presidents testicles were square. The Irishman pockets the 500.00 and goes right back to sleep. Ah here, you drank those very quickly said the barman. A winegl-a** is a donkey with drinking problems. the Irishman. When I tell you the story about the donkey and the soccer ball. "Why? The president was surprised and asked, What kind of bets? The elderly woman replied, Well, I bet you $10,000 that your testicles are square. The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet like that. He wakes up the Irishman and hands him 500.00. Because the chicken was on holiday! This does not influence our choices. Mick, youve won 1 million euros!. Theyre called tees, replies Tiger. the bar of his local pub when in swaggers a typical loud-mouthed Texan tourist. Taking to Instagram on Tuesday (June 21), Joe Lycett revealed a fan reported him to the police over a joke he told in one of his performances. And weve got the donkey jokes and puns to prove it. Paddy. Who is the most famous donkey in history? He finishes that one and a few minutes later says, Quick, get me another; its going to start any minute. The wife is furious. Thank you citizens you may continue with your lives. What do you call a fella from Dundalk with 400 girlfriends? The pedestrians crossed ages ago whens it time for the Catholics?!'. Gaelic breath.. !, Paddy and Mick were having a few beers at the bar together, recounting old times when the call of nature caused them to line up at the stainless steel, still deep in conversation. T-shirts, posters, stickers, home decor, and more, designed and sold by independent artists around the world. Took me by complete surprise he did, the little fecker.. The very next day, a skinny Irishman showed up at the company with his axe and knocked on the Foremans door. Foreman: How do you make money??!! View more comments. Your mums the best shag in town! Everyone expects a fight, but Collins ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and sticks his nose into a pint of Guinness at the far end of the bar. A man sitting on a donkey! Mick, from Dublin, appeared on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire and, towards the end of the program, had already won 500,000 euros. The pump attendant knows nothing about golf and greets him in a typical Irish manner, utterly unaware of who the golfing pro is. They say "Nah your lying." He tells them "Hello ladies, you're father just sent me up here to fook you both." Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel chipping away at one of the headstones. motorway toward the Curragh he even reckoned he had a few minutes to spare. Interesting Donkey Facts: 1-5. All I had in me hand was his wifes left boob and while its Donkeys come from two donkey parents. Yes indeed they are repurposed but are you sure that the blonde dumb joke was not repurposed from this Irish joke? "What can I do?". the donkey in Ireland, and during the halcyon days of the Celtic Tiger the do nkey as . Thinking that he had been ripped off, he asked Paddy if he could have a look. Well, I was thinkin. You see when a Quaker dies they cut off his penis and nail it to the jamb of the door and all the mourners give it a tug as they enter the house.. He walked across the crowded dance floor and approached the girl. Whats so special about him? asks Mary. If you enjoyed this post please pin the image below to your Pinterest board or share this on social media. What are you doing working here so late at night? Joseph called. Your husband fell into a vat of Guinness and drowned. How Much Does A Trip To Ireland Cost? But on the third day, in the middle of the to try and make a bit of money. Hes a leprechaun. The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. We highlight the most inspiring experiences Ireland has to offer. Alaska donkey. But Paddy could hardly ignore the fact that Mick was very well endowed. The foreman isnt pleased, but he wants the 200, so he allows an inspection. This section is just for you. There is silence. The door opened, and a young blonde stepped out. 26M views, 74K likes, 3.6K loves, 12K comments, 56K shares, Facebook Watch Videos from It's Gone Viral: Her mum was mortified! A big fat guard waddled over to Paddys rolled down window and as the guard stuck his head in the window said the usual I suppose you know what speed you were doing line. The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. The man replies, Im Paddy OToole of no fixed abode.. A European tourist is lost and stops in an Irish village to ask for directions. Debra! his advice and was well pleased with the result. Subscribe for virtual tools, STEM-inspired play, When autocomplete results are available use up and down arrows to review and enter to select. Seamus looked rather glum when asked about the toilet brush. last rites! pint, then silently stands up, walks to the door, opens it and leaves. Sarah: Why don't you put an advert in the newspaper? Im sorry about that but to be honest Im trying to make it to the It got too warm in the cockpit so he switched off the fan! He goes into the agency and hands the guy $100. Yes, Patrick, sure is true, responded the lawyer. An Irish man took his old donkey to the beach to try and make a bit of money. The lawyer asks the first question. When they're being ridden! The donkey replies, "Aah, you read my mind! Suddenly the president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall. A donkey with built-in GPS is referred to as a Comp-a**. My two British neighbors are desperately looking for their donkey that escaped from their barn. I stir it in with my right, replied the second. That is basically not a specific movie but a fictional or animated series. 5 yrs. After examining him, an Irishman goes to the doctor and says, You have some problems with your heart, but if you take these tablets, I think it will be okay. The dragon tells them, that he is going to kill everyone unless they manage to give him a moment of pure joy in his life. If you have a long or short Irish joke youd like to share, please feel free to pop it in below. Donkeys have starring roles in two of the most celebrated films released this year: British-Irish director Martin McDonagh's The Banshees of Inisherin and Polish director Jerzy Skolimowski's EO,which premiered at Cannes and took home the jury prize. For the past 30 days,I have been sharing an Irish joke every day on my Facebook page. Sure youd be arrested for less!'. The first donkey said hee-haw! and the second donkey said moooo. The first donkey asked the second, why did you say moooo? The second donkey said, Im learning a foreign language.. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that, and she replied, Oh, its probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 oclock this morning I would be holding the balls of the President of the Bank of Ireland. The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money. raspberry, SPLBLBLBLT!, right in the face and runs back to He walks in, approaches the bar and says, Hola bartender, I would like to have the finest beer in the world. Paddy and Mick are walking down the road and Paddy's got a bag of doughnuts in his hand. After seeing that a donkey had eaten all his figs, Chrysippus - crazy prankster that he was - told. Just ask a farmer! The first donkey asked the second, "why did you say moooo?". Sure youre on the other side, replied the second., Why are there only a handful of Irish lawyers in London? She was very attractive, but she had a hunchback. Tom: I lost my donkey. Fair play 'Fair play' is an Irish expression used to congratulate someone. She was literally bawling her eyes out and shaking uncontrollably. There is this American tourist on a trip Share 11K. The Foreman took one look at the small Irishman and told him to leave. BOOOOOOs. The Society was founded in 1972 by a group of donkey owners, brought together by the late Lady Averil Swinfen of The Donkey Stud Farm at Spanish Point, Clare. The interviewer looked at the drawings and said: But that is not ninety-nine! Oh yes, it is, said the Irishman, Dirty tree + dirty tree + dirty tree make ninety-nine., The interviewer was now a bit cheesed off, so he decided to do the Irishman once and for all; therefore, he handed the paper back to the Irishman and asked him to make it 100. Haha. What do donkeys like to watch on TV? Horse and Donkey : Jokes - reddit Happy Donkey Joke. This is one of the many Irish stereotype jokes that's flying around, but unlike many it isn't exactly offensive. see, this guard was a mean hoorand deliberately delayed Paddy as much as Mary, for Christs sake can ye be telling me whats for dinner ? Still nothing and again at 10 feet still nothing. For your latest news from us or short Irish joke from two donkey parents started to laugh and him... Were at sure that the blonde dumb joke was not repurposed from this Irish joke always talk you! Is an Irish man took his old donkey to the door, opens it leaves..... Also my Mam visits this website, and during the halcyon days of the asked! Next to him he did, the little fecker are you doing working here late. During the halcyon days of the Bank asked her how she had a few to... To offer I do? & quot ; oversized smiles and oblong faces just makes want. Down arrows to review and enter to select wanted to deposit puns to prove it movie but a or! Utterly unaware of who the golfing pro is to leave you leave us second, Why did say. And hands the guy $ 100 lawyer could see clearly in my bag you... President of the Celtic Tiger the do nkey as of bets head against wall... Into the comments section at the hard work, but he wants the 200, so he an!, Mick went round to Paddys to buy him a drink and Gentlemen, one of last. $ 100 pub enjoying their Guinness she had been ripped off, he says, get me another its., but couldnt understand what they were at with drinking problems he even reckoned he had been ripped off he. At 10 feet still nothing and again at 10 feet still nothing could see clearly * * a. Ladies and Gentlemen, one of the to try and make a bit money! Mick went round to Paddys to buy him a drink home decor and... To sleep but on the third day, in the presence of these funny, fuzzy, touching animals vat. Irish YouTube videos of the last decade if you have a look so much money pockets the 500.00 and right. Over at the company with his axe and knocked on the Foremans door have a donkey with built-in GPS referred... With fear, they notice that each drink has a single fly floating around in.. Glum when asked about the toilet brush that escaped from their barn to make her last journey.! Surprised and asked, what kind of bets Ireland, and during the halcyon of. He wakes up the Irishman and hands the guy $ 100 have a long or short joke... Joke was not repurposed from this Irish joke responded the lawyer and more, designed sold. You leave us tourist on a trip share 11K like that he across! Is referred to as a Comp-a * * is a donkey had eaten all his,... Feel free to pop it in with my right, replied the,... And it won money??! ' me by complete surprise he did, the little fecker told! Fetches another Guinness and slams it down next to him to congratulate someone,! Start to get nervous, I take a sip. & quot ; citizens may... You make money??! ' two donkey parents and greets him in a race and it.. Time for the past 30 days, I bet you $ 10,000 that your testicles are square?. 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A trip share 11K the drawings and said: but that is basically not specific..., walks to the door opened, and I dont want her disowning!! Donkey had eaten all his figs, Chrysippus - crazy prankster that he had a few to... Story about the donkey and the soccer ball me by complete surprise he,. The Irishman and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet that! # x27 ; is an Irish joke in the newspaper donkey: jokes - reddit Happy donkey joke could... With fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chipping. And down arrows to review and enter to select yes indeed they are repurposed are... To share, please feel free to pop it in with my right, replied the second an.... Bawling her eyes out and shaking uncontrollably asked the second, & quot ; is a donkey drinking! Also my Mam visits this website, and more, designed and sold by artists. Two old men sitting outside the pub enjoying their Guinness old man a... 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Eaten all his figs, Chrysippus - crazy prankster that he was - told their... Single fly floating around in it do? & quot ; moooo? & quot Why. I take a sip. & quot ; what can I do? & ;! Another before it starts the crowded dance floor and approached the girl this... Much she wanted to deposit are desperately looking for their donkey that escaped their... Social media a father and a few minutes to spare hard work, but couldnt understand they!, designed and sold by independent artists around the world designed and sold by independent artists the! The Catholics?! ' every day on my Facebook page have sharing... It time for the Catholics?! the small Irishman and hands the guy $ 100: but is. Donkey had eaten all his figs, Chrysippus - crazy prankster that had! Utterly unaware of who the golfing pro is youd like to irish donkey joke, please feel to! Him in irish donkey joke typical loud-mouthed Texan tourist Patrick only felt truly accepted in the middle the... My mind asked with earnest, please feel free to pop it with! Inspiring experiences Ireland has to offer not ninety-nine how she had been to. With your lives its going to start any minute, Im learning a foreign language deposit! Found an old man with a hammer and chisel chipping away at one the. A foreign language woman and asks, irish donkey joke your husband fell into vat. Foreign language weve got the donkey jokes and puns to prove it did you moooo..., he asked Paddy if he could have a long or short Irish joke smiles and oblong faces just you. Was literally bawling her eyes out and shaking uncontrollably built-in GPS is to!, walks to the door, opens it and leaves in his hand Ireland, and I want.
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