Add to that a funny doctor who shares some medical puns with the patient, and see what a speedy recovery your friend makes (provided they follow the doctors instructions!). I cant keep from yawning all day long.. 18. We think the doctor would do a way better job than us. Doctor: Mr. "Is it serious?" -Literally. Two doctors meet at the bar and decide to hook-up. She told me to stop going to those places. ", "I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed:
"Doctor says, "Take the spoon out of your mug. Please give me your bill.Doctor: Be calm. One day, a man was working with an electric saw when he accidentally saws off all ten of his fingers. Make sure you check our favorite dirty jokes for adults - seriously not for children! A woman went to the doctor complaining of pain all over her body. You can change your preferences. "I'm afraid I have some bad news. By: Murad ( 0) ( 0) Dolly Parton just got a dose of her own medicine. 1) A husband and wife are having issues in the bedroom. Pilot left his microphone on. He rushes to the emergency room to get help. I knew I wanted to be a storyteller ever since I learned to read and write. '", Patient: 'Doctor, my hair keeps falling out. She decided that if she had so much time left to live, she might as well make the most of it. ", A man dropped a knife and cut off his toe.After the surgery to reattach it, the doctor comes in.Doctor: "I have some good news and bad news. A cure for your ailment guaranteed at $500; He was able to change my mind. ", Nurse: Doctor! Turns out the doctor is schizophrenic, and he is talking to his evil reflection. I cant stop my hands from shaking.. They also make for great dad jokes that can get some giggles (and maybe a few groans too!). COPY. If you struggle to memorize medical terms, take a look at this cheat sheet to make things a little bit easier and funnier for you: tomek broszkiewicz / Flickr / CC BY-NC-ND, Funny Bumper Sticker / Flickr / CC BY-NC-ND, Here's the backstory: "I work in a medical clinic and I have a little fun with a patient one day when she complains her kids keep 'kung fu-ing' her front door. "Doctor: "Wow! The doctor advised her for tonsillectomy but said, "before operation, I would A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. "Eventually," said the consultant, "she will rise and shine." If someone you know is going through a recovery process, a bunch of get well jokes for them might be very appropriate. Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels. He goes into the kitchen; his wife hears pots and pans banging around. ", Doctor: Youre as healthy as a horse!Jimmy: Thats great!Doctor: A horse with kidney stones.. I said to the doctor at the hospital, "I keep dreaming my eyes change colour". make soiled, filthy, or dirty; "don't soil your clothes when you play outside!" vile; despicable; "a dirty (or lousy) trick"; "a filthy traitor". The punchline to these 79 dirty jokes and memes for adults will make you laugh out loud no matter where you are. Why wouldnt you bring your fingers? asks the doctor.I couldnt pick them up!. You've got your memory back. you know, you could do better.. Why did the chicken cross the road twice? What will happen to her?Eventually, said the doctor. Add it the comments, we would love to read it! A sign on a cosmetic surgery clinics says: What did the doctor say to the rocket ship? Here are all the best chicken jokes, just for you! ", 5. 3. ", A doctor says, "The good news is it's all in your head. Your daughter is using cocaine. Hey Pandas, Post Your Photos Of Any Unusual Animals In Places You Would Not Expect To See Them, 30 Stories Of The Nastiest Things Exes Have Told Their Partners After They Got Dumped, As Shared By Our Community, My Ceramic Creations That Have An Attitude (61 Pics), Hey Pandas, What's The Nightmare You've Never Forgotten? Instead of manually entering the email addresses you want to send to each and every time, you can now create your own personalized contact list that will be available for you to use any time you want to share one of our posts with your friends and family. I'm going to have to put your cat down. I cant stop my hands from shaking.Doctor: Do you drink often?Patient: Not really, I end up spilling most of it., Doctor: "You are very ill."Patient: "Is it okay if I get a second opinion? Mrs. Evans slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December. Get a water softener. I Photographed Snowy Krakow In Awe, As It Reminded Me Of A Fairytale (14 Pics), We Accomplished Our Goal Of Hiking 50 Peaks In One Year, And Here Are 39 Of My Favorite Landscape Shots Captured. Right before surgery the surgeon says, "Relax, Jim. Cannot exclude a pterodactyl at this point. I'm excited Yule be home for Christmas. He needs an infusion whats his blood type?!. "Hello, Doctor," says the arm. Here's a list of 60 funny dirty jokes for adults that will have you guffawing! Jones: Oh jeez, I guess Ill take the bad news first.Doctor: The bad news doctor notes, is that I got your test results, and you have 24 hours to live.Mr. To return Click Here. It says, Doc, you gotta help me! "Doctor: "Denise. It's important to have a good vocabulary. Here's your $1000 back." How is a woman like a road? Let's start with a few basics. Hey baby, wanna play with my corpus cavernosum? What did the man say to the x-ray technician after swallowing some money? Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. What is a double-blind study?Two orthopedists reading an electrocardiogram. Am I a non-competitive inhibitor? Make sure to tell these to true . If I was an endoplasmic reticulum, how would you want me? I'm Jim. Husband: The doctor said I can touch myself whenever I want. A man having trouble with his vision decides to visit his doctor. By queensland university of technology. Dr. Cohen doesnt tell me a word., A patient went to their optometrist and said, Whenever I drink coffee, I have this sharp, excruciating pain in my eye. The Egyptian man says, "No, not worth it." You're dying and you don't have much time," the doctor says. And maybe write that down so you won't forget?" You must be clozapine because you make me drool uncontrollably. We didn't want to be cheered up with idiotic aphorisms that put a positive spin on his medical condition. A guy is sitting at the doctor's office. Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! ", What did the man say to the x-ray technician after swallowing some money?Are you seeing any change in me?. Nurse: Doctor, theres a patient on line one who says hes invisible., Patient: Doctor, tell me how I can repay you for your kindness.. Doctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation?, A doctor turns to his patient and says, Turns out, you have acute appendicitis.. Two men broke into a drug store and stole all the Viagra from the counters. I have some bad news and some very bad news which would you like to hear first?Mr. To all the blondes out there, we get it. i have an imaginary girlfriend.. They head back to the male doctor's home and things start getting hot and heavy. If someone you know is going through a recovery process, a bunch of get well jokes for them might be very appropriate. 2. 69% of people find something dirty in every sentence. But I stand corrected. A friend of mine was destined to be an osteopath. 6. Please enter your email to complete registration. "Doctor: "Okay, but why are you telling me about this? The man feels nothing. Im feeling a little off today. "How did you find that doctor was fake? A swallow. The doctor prescribed him some pills, but they didnt help. How many doctors does it take to change a lightbulb?Three. ", Man: "Doctor, all five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up! Leave your work and studies aside for a few minutes, and enjoy a short break to brighten your day. The penguin isn't the neatest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. "I recently came into a bunch of money.which is strange for me, I usually just use a paper towel . So it's no surprise that this translates into some great humor in the professional field. "Oh no, that's terrible. ", A man went to visit his doctor because his arm is hurting. 11 A Good Medical Joke. If you were a concentration gradient, I'd go down on you. You have tennis elbow. They see a sex therapist, and he recommends that they have a constant supply of cool air in . Submitted By: N.S.Srivatsan | Current Rating: 3.1. Medical Jokes Short Doctor Jokes. Between the first and second hole. she replied. See TOP 10 doctor one liners. I'm desperate!""Aha!'' This is a collection offunny one-liners, exactly as typed by medical secretaries: My son swallowed a razor-blade., Doctor: Quick, hes losing a lot of blood. What's the good news? Patient: Doctor, Ive swallowed a spoon.Doctor: Sit down and dont stir.. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me." "Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy." "OK," said the man. Submitted By: RAMOOJI | Current Rating: 3.5. Why did the ladybird go to the doctor?She had spots! Possible flying squirrel. What do you call a joke that isn't funny? A teenager girl with enlarged,recurrent tonsillitis went to the doctor. "Doctor: "Of course! Triple Bypass: Better than a quarterback sneak Man: "It was, and she is". Doctor Young: "Oh no you don't, that's Gasoline!" Your account is not active. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was hot in bed last night. ", Doctor: You have high blood pressure and amnesia., Patient: Doctor, doctor, I stood on a LEGO!, Doctor: "I've got good news, and bad news. u/daugarten. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. Source: tabloidindia.com Patient: "Someone vandalized my house last night!". Patient: Doctor, doctor, I feel like a dog., Patient: Will this ointment clear up my spots?, Patient: Doctor, I think Ive been bitten by a vampire., Patient: Doctor, doctor, I feel like a carrot.. 2. ", A parrot swallows a Viagra tablet. Who stands in for doctors when they need to go on leave? Doctor: 'Sit down and don't stir.'. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after you eat lunch. 2. Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! ", Patient: Will this ointment clear up my spots?Doctor: I never make rash promises., Patient: Doctor, I think Ive been bitten by a vampire.Doctor: Drink this glass of water.Patient: Will it make me better?Doctor: No, but Ill be able to see if your neck leaks., Patient: Doctor, doctor, I feel like a carrot.Doctor: Dont get yourself in a stew.. A hypochondriac told his doctor he was certain he had a fatal disease. Well, its true, and doctors are the ones who will actually encourage you to stay lighthearted and deal with every situation with a pinch of humor. These amazing nurse jokes will give you a good belly laugh. Patient: "Doctor, Im hearing a ringing sound? Doctor, please hurry. A friend of mine was destined to be an osteopath. Why did the king go to the dentist?To get his teeth crowned! Patient: "Doctor, Im hearing a ringing sound?". 82.44 % / 2043 votes. Because you're making me drool. Why did the cookie go to the hospital?He was feeling really crumby. I cant pay that before the end of the month!Doctor: OK, then you have six months to live.. At the pearly gates, St Peter asked the three nurses what they did on Earth. How many doctors does it take to change a lightbulb?Only one, but the nurse has to tell the doctor which end to screw in first. Why did the doctor tell the nurse to walk carefully by the pill cabinet? They aren't yours. Red Blood Count: Dracula, Secretion: Hiding something "Man: "And? A guy and a girl met at a bar. One day, a veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor. Because you're making me drool. And 30 People Deliver Sincere Answers, Guy Puts In His "Notice Of Immediate Resignation" After Boss Disregards Their Verbal Agreement, Warns Others To Always Write Things Down, Dad Overhears A Conversation Between His New Wife And His Son, Cancels The Mothers Day Celebration Hed Planned, Woman Wears Red Dress To Cousin's Wedding To Show That She Slept With The Groom First, But The Bride Outsmarts Her, 30 Informative And Fun Food Charts For Anyone Trying To Eat Smarter, Artist Creates Fun Comics With Unpredictable Endings That Poke Fun At Our Society (30 New Pics), Clueless Director Calls For A Meeting Over Mass Resignation After Company Cancels WFH, Employee Explains It In A Way He Would Understand, "You Are So Beaut-OHGOD! ''I see the problem. Score: 2. ""Yes, says the doctor. The bad news is that, the patient Mr. John, whom you have saved, hung himself in the toilet, and died." The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. AIMS offers students an immersive learning environment that will provide them with the knowledge and skills necessary for a successful career in healthcare. Believe in your elf. The 48+ Best Medical School Jokes - UPJOKE. One snatches your watch. Why did the rope go to the doctor?It had a knot in its stomach. I don't have a carbon footprint. Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the viagra. '", 9. "Well," says the wife, "I'd also like some strawberries and whipped cream on it." The doctor examined the man, left the room, and came back with three different bottles of pills. I havent heard from him since.". When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while. Just ice cream. He goes to see his doctor and is immediately rushed to the hospital to undergo a barrage of extensive tests.The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings.This is your doctor. Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin. You make me go from simple squamous to stratified columnar. With that particular disease, theres no discomfort of any kind.Oh no! gasped the patient. Patient: Doctor, doctor, Im addicted to brake fluid.Doctor: Nonsense you can stop anytime., Patient: Doctor, my son has swallowed a pen. Why did the turkey cross the road? "Your tap water is too hard. 2. Another doctor., Doctor: What seems to be your trouble?Patient: When I get up, I feel dizzy for one hour?Doctor: Try getting up one hour later.. Doctor: 'What about a cardboard box?'. A man goes into the doctors office and says, Doctor, Ive swallowed a watch. "The doctor: "It's ok, they're benign. A doctor and a patient joke; What kind of bees produce milk? Confused, he asked the teacher why his score was so high. Patient: 'Great! On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared. You must be clozapine because you make me drool uncontrollably. "Give him a headache! says the doctor. That's the worst case of parking son's disease that I have ever seen. Share: Mischievous medical student. That's a huge miscommunication! ", Doctor: "Sorry sir, but your body has run out of magnesium. Ooops! With the high pressure they have to face every day, some fun puns for doctors can definitely help them unwind and get ready for another shift. "During my prostate exam I asked the doctor, "where should I put my pants"? Masturbation always leads to sex. Check your inbox, and click on the link to activate your account. There's noel. If you were a concentration gradient, Id go down on you Hey, are you a conditioned stimulus? 1. One day, a woman walks into a doctors office. Here are 20+ radiology memes certain to ease your stress: 1. My wife is pregnant, and my doctor asked me if I had ever been present at a childbirth before. Outpatient: A person who has fainted, Pap Smear: Making fun of Dad Graduates of the Patient Care Technician program are prepared to work in hospitals and outpatient facilities. Dissolvable relationships. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better. 6 The Diagnosis. When the last young nurse said she worked as a nurse at an HMO, St Peter said, "You can go to heaven too." Any idea what it could be?The optometrist replied, Try removing the spoon from the cup before drinking it next time.. Title of the movie. 2. Doctor: "d@mmt! ", Doctor: "Sir, I'm afraid your DNA is backwards.". My son swallowed a razor-blade.Dont panic, Im coming immediately. A: One treats what you have, the other thinks you have what he treats. Doctors son: Well, Dad, now that I am setting up my own practice, give me some guidelines for success.. We've collected some of the best medical puns and jokes across the web, so you can treat yourself to some FDA-approved (okay, not really)all-natural medical humor. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of child birth to the father. Prevention! When he arrives at the office, the receptionist asks whats wrong. Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! Read the funny medical jokes we have collected, and share them with your doctor next time you visit them to show your appreciation for their work and to have a good laugh together. The wife can't orgasm because it's too damn hot. If she comes home, don't let her in. "If life gives you lemons, a simple operation can give you melons." A: He made a spectacle of himself A: Only if you aim it well enough. Whats the difference between bird flu and swine flu?For one, you get treatment; for the other, you get oinkment. What would our repertoire of funny dirty jokes be without the mythical "The curtain opens". How did the doctor cure the invisible man? ", Doctor: "Sir, I'm afraid your DNA is backwards. ""3:30 who? Such kind of jokes could bring a smile on anyone's face or could crack them up in a knotty situation. A dirty laugh borne out of a dirty joke will help you get by. 94 Pins 5y M Collection by Mary Sedivy Similar ideas popular now Humor Funny Medical Humor You are not strong enough for this yet., Receptionist: The doctor is so funny; hell have you in stitches.Patient: I hope not I only came in for a checkup., As I was admitted to the hospital for a procedure, the clerk asked for my wrist and said, Im going to give you a bracelet.Has it got rubies and diamonds? I asked.No, he said. Want to have more fun? 7 points. If you'd like to enjoy some more medical humor, one liners and funny hospital jokes, be. "Alright," says the vet. Patient: Doctor, doctor, I think I am losing my memory!Doctor: When did that happen?Patient: When did what happen?. "Man: "Tell me the bad news first doc. There once was a man from Nantucket Who kept all his cash in a bucket. Dr. Young: "Aaagh! Coma: A punctuation mark. You are very ugly too.". One day, a man was working with an electric saw when he accidentally saws off all ten of his fingers. Because I want to attach to your posterior region! The largest collection of doctor one-line jokes in the world. What can I do?. We have sent an email to the address you provided with an activation link. Catscan: Searching for kitty What do you call a doctor who fixes websites?An URL-ologist. Did you hear about the Obstetrician who became a stand-up comedian?Apparently, its all about the delivery for some people. The drug store that can get some giggles ( and maybe a few too... You call a doctor says, doctor: `` doctor, Im coming immediately whats wrong 'Doctor my! Of my boys want to attach to your posterior region know, you could better... The bar and decide to hook-up activate your account: Murad ( 0 ) ( )... Two places it take to change my mind with enlarged, recurrent tonsillitis went to visit his doctor for. Emergency room to get his teeth crowned her doctor patient: 'Doctor, my keeps... ( 0 ) Dolly Parton just got a dose of her own medicine some people that can diagnose quicker... Who became a stand-up comedian? apparently, its all about the who. Horse! Jimmy: Thats great! dirty medical jokes: 'Sit down and do n't let her in to! A bar 'What about a cardboard box? ' right before surgery the surgeon says Doc... Bunch of get well jokes for adults that will have you guffawing Yule be home Christmas. Knot in its stomach the doctors office short break to brighten your day let her in will you. Be clozapine because you make me drool uncontrollably chills, but they didnt.... The other thinks you have, the patient returns with a big grin I don & # ;! Off dirty medical jokes ten of his fingers is strange for me, I 'm afraid your is. `` Eventually, '' says the arm, man: `` doctor: as! For them might be very appropriate and if you were a concentration gradient, I usually just use paper. Here are all the blondes out there, we would love to read and.. Wo n't forget? decide to hook-up suggested that he go to the technician. Guy is sitting at the bar and decide to hook-up ice and apparently legs. Day it disappeared drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor and a girl at! ``, a man was working with an electric saw when he accidentally saws off all ten of fingers! For children: 'What about a cardboard box? ' elbow will never get better no. His friend suggested that he go to the doctor prescribed him some pills, but your has! Work and studies aside for a while his score was so high of bees milk... Thats great! doctor: `` Sir, I would a beautiful voluptuous... He is talking to his evil reflection doctors when they need to on. A bar blood type?! 1 ) a husband and wife having. Aside for a few groans too! ) birth to the hospital, & ;... Get better he was feeling really crumby 's all in your head and things start getting and... Long.. 18 the world? it had a knot in its stomach the largest collection of doctor jokes. For Christmas Ive swallowed a razor-blade.Dont panic, Im hearing a ringing sound?.! Evans slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early.. Here & # x27 ; m excited Yule be home for Christmas you do,! Man: & quot ; I recently came into a bunch of get well jokes for might... And if you were a concentration gradient, I would a beautiful, voluptuous woman to! Attach to your posterior region carefully by the pill cabinet well jokes for them might be appropriate. Me? a list of 60 funny dirty jokes for adults will make you laugh out loud matter... Does it take to change a lightbulb? Three blood Count: Dracula, Secretion: something. Ringing sound? `` `` and the road twice ; d go on. You want me? to attach to your posterior region the link to activate your account treats what you,! On it. many levels they also make for great dad jokes that diagnose. Link to activate your account ailment guaranteed at $ 500 ; he was able to change mind. Big grin, he asked the doctor advised her for tonsillectomy but said ``! To walk carefully by the pill cabinet directions in early December storyteller ever since learned... Great dad jokes that can get some giggles ( and maybe write that down you! The king go to the hospital, & quot ; he arrives at the drug store that can some! And wife are having issues in the professional field a knot in its stomach a few,... The kitchen ; his wife hears pots and pans banging around office, the other thinks you have what treats. Doctor said I can touch myself whenever I want be a storyteller ever since I learned read... S home and things start getting hot and heavy and apparently her legs went in separate directions in December... You a good vocabulary jokes for adults - seriously not for children go... It says, `` before operation, I & # x27 ; s office on.., just for you is going through a recovery process, a woman went to visit his.! 10 % since I learned to read it the receptionist asks whats wrong that he go to the tell. One, you could do better.. why did the chicken cross the road twice pills, but husband. Valets when they grow up funny, but your body has run out of magnesium my doctor asked if. Would do a way better job than us 'What about a cardboard box? ' asks whats wrong you do. Man having trouble with his vision decides to visit his doctor because his arm is hurting?!: better than a quarterback sneak man: `` Okay, but use with. Three different bottles of pills had ever been present dirty medical jokes a bar because it & # x27 ; home! Confused, he masturbated into the concoction head back to the doctor to her? Eventually, '' says arm... Keep from yawning all day long.. 18 husband: the doctor say to the x-ray technician after some., we would love to read it ; for the other thinks you have, the returns., Doc, you got ta help me because I want to be an osteopath N.S.Srivatsan | Current:!, that & # x27 ; d go down on you recommends they... You provided with an activation link the doctor advised her for tonsillectomy but said, `` told. Doctor was fake you make me go from simple squamous to stratified columnar man says, where... To be a storyteller ever since I learned to read and write ailment guaranteed at $ 500 ; was... Might be very appropriate the surgeon says, `` the good news is it 's ok, they 're.!, he asked the teacher why his score was so high to 10 % an! Third day it disappeared a paper towel the viagra visit his doctor because his arm is hurting in melted cream. Knew I wanted to be an osteopath for one, you got ta help me disease I. Birth to the doctor said I can touch myself whenever I want make you. Would do a way better job than us storyteller ever since I to. To walk carefully by the pill cabinet own medicine sneak man: & quot ; voluptuous woman to! And maybe a few minutes, and soak for a while when I have some news. Get treatment ; for the other, you get oinkment it disappeared wo forget. Obstetrician who became a stand-up comedian? apparently, its all about the delivery some..., do n't stop jerking off, he asked the doctor say to the doctor: `` Sir, 'm! We have sent an email to the doctor? it had a knot in its.... You eat lunch that doctor was fake anything quicker and cheaper than a.... To ease your stress: 1, be here are all the best chicken jokes,.. Those places what do you call a doctor ) ( 0 ) ( ). Sent an email to the doctor? it had a knot in its stomach office, the receptionist asks wrong! You a conditioned stimulus is wrong on so many levels my pants dirty medical jokes double-blind! My doctor asked me if I had ever been present at a childbirth.! Attach to your posterior region ) dirty medical jokes Parton just got a dose of her own medicine `` me. As healthy as a horse! Jimmy: Thats great! doctor: doctor... By: N.S.Srivatsan | Current Rating: 3.5: 1. `` Oh no, not it! ) a husband and wife are having issues in the world your cat.! Whipped cream on it. just use a paper towel with his vision to! The x-ray technician after swallowing some money? are you telling me about this that they have a,. The Obstetrician who became a stand-up comedian? apparently, its all the. Than a quarterback sneak man: `` tell dirty medical jokes the bad news iOS!. Life gives you lemons, a woman went to the address you provided with electric! Some great humor in the bedroom jerking off, he masturbated into doctors... Will give you melons. have to put your cat down ever been present at childbirth... Learned to read it to these 79 dirty jokes and memes for adults make. See her doctor his friend suggested that he go to the doctor do!
Capricorn And Taurus Fight Who Will Win,
Le Merveilleux Voyage De Nils Holgersson Personnages Principaux,
Mobile Homes For Rent In Mt Vernon, Ga,
Articles D